Driving

I did not go driving this past week (I did last weekend -- does that count?), but driving is high on my "nervous about" list. I have been learning to drive for about a year now. What scares me about driving? Well, first, I think my main three fears are failure, danger, and pain/injury. Most every specific worry on my list derives from one or more of those three.

Driving definitely can be dangerous and painful, so the stakes if I were to fail - drive badly - are higher than in other situations. I also have no sense of direction and am worried about getting lost, but the fear of getting lost is secondary to the fear that I will get into an accident if I drive less than perfectly. I haven't been in or known about any bad accidents in the lives of close friends or family that have contributed to my fears; I think the fear is just an extension of my other fears.

Recently, my dad suggested that I should to decide if I want to get my license or not, because the amount of practice I am getting -- driving once or twice some weekends, approximately -- is really not enough practice to be useful, and if I really want my license I need to commit and practice more often. I am having trouble deciding which way to go. I have outlined below some of my thoughts.

Reasons I should get a drivers license:

• Having a license would give me a lot more independence and flexibility.
• Having a license means I don't have to base apartment or city choice on the availability of public transit.
• Having a license means I can run out to the pharmacy or convenience store if necessary.
• Having a license means I can rent or borrow a car when I want or  need one.
• Driving is a life skill, a right of passage, something almost everybody learns to do at some point.

Reasons for not getting a drivers license:

• I am still ambivalent about wanting to drive, and about my comfort level when driving;
• I know plenty of people who live in big cities and don't need to drive, and I think I'm a city girl anyway;
• I'm a little bit stubborn, and I don't react well to people telling me I "have to" do something;
• My "over 21 licensed passengers" keep pointing out stop signs or red lights that I'm not sure I saw (sometimes obscured by trees, but still) and if I am going to drive, I think I need to practice a lot more to try make the awareness stuff more second-nature.

Another issue is that usually when I do things that make me nervous, I do them with the utmost caution. For example: I ski very, very slowly and carefully. But with driving, slower and more cautiously are not safer. Driving slower than the speed limit can get you into an accident just as much as driving too fast. If you take your time at an intersection or merging, you're likely to miss your opportunity to go.

I know that driving is a very common thing that practically everyone does, and that people a lot dumber than me have learned to do very well. However, I feel in part like I'm learning to drive more because I should than because I want to, even though I know there will be benefits in the end.

Part of me thinks I should stop learning to drive, live somewhere near public transportation, and perhaps revisit the issue in a few years. The other side thinks the flexibility would be nice, and that I am so close that I should just go for it. That way I would have the option of driving in the future if I wanted to.

So for now, I remain on the fence. I will keep you all posted if I make a decision.